Diary of a Corporate Minotaur: Part 1 - Monday 9:00am

As I rode the elevator up, I knew today was going to be a shock--Monday's always are. I took two on the morning commute. It helps get rid of the hangover and the effects pop in just as I take my first step through the door. I winked a hello to the receptionist as I swallow hard and sweat a bit. I found my cube, sat down and turned my computer on. I check my e-mail and sort through invitations to cure my impotence, enlarge my penis...a message from "Sex Kitten" telling me she's "waiting." I read the news online. A plane crashed in the suburbs of Cleveland. Two hundred are presumed dead. I read one article on the war and another on why I shouldn't drink milk. I wasn't going to.

The coffee machine was broke. Tom was trying to be a hero and fix it. He is one of those guys who have an answer and a solution for everything. I could tell he had no idea what he was doing. "Well, I'm out of ideas," he said collapsing the screwdriver on his Swiss Army knife.

I wanted a cup of coffee; more so, I wanted an excuse for the mid-afternoon shakes.

I returned to my desk and flipped through a stack of papers in my inbox. I got a paper-cut on my index finger and bled all over a company memo concerning the new health plan. It was still early and I couldn't make heads-or-tails of half the words on most of the documents.

My phone rang. I tried to ignore it, but its echoing scream pierced my skull violently. It was some bastard asking me how my research was progressing. I responded with just enough information to get him to stop bothering me. I hung up.

I started to feel sick. It felt like something had a grip on stomach--clenching it then releasing it--just to see what would happen. My cube was spinning and I had the urge to lie on the floor. Half the fun of playing the game was fighting for the perception of normalcy. Sometimes it's a tough battle.

I worked up the courage to walk to the water cooler. The trip to was a dizzying circus. Luckily most of these clowns were too busy trying to get out of their own post-weekend funk to make small talk with anyone. The water was cold but refreshing. I pressed the paper cup to my head. My skin was clammy. I felt better. At least I didn't feel sick, but that's when the fun part of the game would begin--my Monday morning vision quest.